orange sky

Reality Check

For the last few years I’ve been so superficial on and off. But today, it’s getting to a whole new level! I’m stressed out because my pc computer is falling apart/not doing what I need it to, and once again I’m reminded of its inferiority to its Mac tycoon counterpart. I get frustrated because it’s like COME ON mom and dad really? Couldn’t spend the extra bucks to get me what you know is to be a better computer? No? So needless to say I’m pretty bitter about that one. THEN on top of it for some reason I’m caught up in the idea that my boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend, who drives me crazy and is super annoying and insecure, may or may not be prettier than me. And it’s driving me nuts! The idea of her being prettier than me when she’s that annoying of a person is actually upsetting me. What’s happening to me! I’m becoming delusional! Seriously who cares if I have a pc as long as it (basically) gets the job done? Who cares if she’s prettier than me? She’s not even a threat, she’s dating someone else for god sakes and besides, my boyfriend loves me SO much for who I am, why can’t I see that? Or better yet, why can’t I love myself the same way? Why do I use other people’s looks or possessions validate or invalidate my own? Why do I care so freaking much?? It’s ridiculous! I have so many things to be thankful for and I can’t even focus on them because of my own insecurities. It’s embarrassing and I need to get a grip. Damn.